How a friend’s alcoholism changed my life
I was living in Chicago when I had a friend with a big personality. He was the life of the party, and made everyone laugh.
After a string of late nights out, I found him on the back porch of his house at 7am, drinking $10 whiskey out of the bottle. It was 32 degrees out.
It took about 6 more months for him to finally end up getting help, going to alcoholics anonymous, which led to him eventually uncovering the deeper pains he had been numbing out in order to survive.
For the first time, I understood what trauma was.
And more importantly, I understood how people CAN change, for the better.
As a long-time people pleaser and codependent man (thinking I could ‘fix’ everyone and everything)… this was a HUGE revelation.
He would come back from AA meetings LIT UP, saying how cool it was to share things with other people so vulnerably… and hear other people’s stories… and run through the Twelve Steps to identify his own mental blocks, mis-steps, and reframe his relationship with responsibility, trust, and commitment.
I asked him, “where can I find an AA for people like me?”
^a very ignorant question, indeed.
But what I wanted was an environment that supported me, lifted me up, and held a set of common beliefs - and weren’t afraid to dig into the things holding them back in life.
I wanted to be around GROWTH.
Kind of like a sports team, right?!
So I got to work to find it…
It took me over EIGHT YEARS to find the kind of environment I was looking for…
the men I could trust, who “got” it
the playbook for success
the coaching for adjustments
the feedback for growth
the camaraderie of a team
These things CHANGED MY LIFE.
And over the past 4 years, I’ve been helping guys cultivate these exact things in their own lives.
So they can grow.
So they can be held accountable.
So they can live authentically.
So they can dominate stress.
So they can feel supported.
And build the businesses they’ve always wanted.
Create the depth of relationships they’ve desperately craved.
Create the lifestyles they’ve dreamed of.
And heal the parts of themselves that have been holding them back.
I’m happy to say that my friend today is 6 years sober…
He’s one of my biggest supporters, biggest inspirations, and best friends.
We get each other. And we’ve been there for each other.
I wouldn’t be here without him.
Cheers to the men in our lives that make a difference.
** If you’re struggling with substance or alcohol abuse, you can reach out to partner organization Fund Recovery (https://www.fundrecovery.org/) for financial and logistical support**