LIARS DON’T HEAL.
I'll just get right to it... this one's a doozy.
When working on ourselves as men... it's important to realize that sometimes the breakthrough we’re looking for… takes time. And what’s required first of all… is a breakdown. In growing up & evolving as a man… we often need to be brought to our knees before we let our Ego actually dissolve from the equation. Until we hit rock bottom, we’re really just playing nice. Pretending to have it all together.
This pretending in life shows up as overcompensating, overworking, biting our tongues. Acting out due to the boiling over of emotion. The suppression turns into over-reacting. Anger, frustration, disgust, even resentment towards those we want so badly to love. Who deserve our love.
But it takes years, sometimes, to unfold.
It takes patience to allow layers of truth to reveal themselves and test the atmospheres of life for safety. Wondering, “Will I be rejected or hurt worse if I expose these vulnerable parts of me?” The tender, moist, soft parts of myself… will they wither, be dried and cracked, calloused and punctured? Or will they be slowly soothed, nurtured, accepted, and loved for their very existence?
Like a newborn baby… healing and vulnerability are rarely cute at first. Coming out of the womb, it’s actually quite ugly. We must be covered in blood and embryonic fluid first to evolve into the “Gerber Baby” we see on the instagram feeds of our culture. The real Gerber Baby is our purest, more core self of the whole mess. But again, this part of us takes time. And patience.
But this pain, disgust, and gore is all worth it, in the end. When we are patient, loving and compassionate to ourselves to build up stronger and more resilient skin. A more robust sense of self reveals itself so long as we weather the storm.
Yet many of us avoid the storm.
Or we head to shelter when things get older or the wind picks up a bit. Only to return to the same storm and the same wound, later on. And so the same opportunity for a rebirth emerges tried to bring us to our knees the first time. Only this time, we’re actually ready. Ready for a miracle. For a savior. For a healing remedy to our pain. We’re ready to actually face the music. Face the pain. Only then, do we continue to heal.
A favorite concept from sports:
“Embrace the Suck” - is borrowed from the military. We would chant this as a team during 2-a-days each Fall Camp.
The concept taught me that the mind is truly everything. When we avoid stress or wince at it’s surprise, we face something called “Distress” - a type of stress that is quite literally cancerous, catastrophic, and nauseating. “Quit feeling sorry for yourselves!” a favorite coach of mine would often say, in a louder than life style, of course.
On the other hand… when we choose to anticipate, expect, and await stress, almost like a bloodthirsty healing warrior… craving the stress. We actually invite a different kind of stress called “Eustress.” Which is shown to create real & sustainable growth. When we ‘choose’ the pain and decide to heal… the blood, guts, and pain of life (including 2-a-days in Fall Camp) we actually are able to heal faster and go further. Eustress is actually fun, when done right.
To others, it almost seems psychotic.
But stress should be fun, in fact! The suffering we’re here to do, the healing, the facing off. It’s all something we actually chose in the first place, spiritually. I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe this is all on purpose, to expand and heal our souls to be more perfect like God. The chaos we’re experiencing, whether we choose to avoid it or embrace it… is up to the mind. It’s up to us.
We have a choice to either:
→ A. Continue lying to ourselves and pretend we had nothing to do with this whole thing.
→ B. Get honest and let our vulnerable open flesh be immersed by the treacherous waters we’re long-awaited and anticipated. To clean us, excavate our wounds, and heal us.
We can welcome it. Let it shape us. We can choose integrity. Honesty. Authenticity. We can anticipate the pain, and embrace it. Every truth. Embracing it, with patience, and a thirst for change.
Any other way or operating… is just playing nice.
If you found this message helpful, or just want to respond with your thoughts, I’d love to hear from you!
If you’re a man who’s ready to start getting HONEST & start making progress in your healing… and you’re ready to embrace Eustress & have fun in the process, then message me directly to get more info about our next retreat. We have 2 spots available in our upcoming WORLD CLASS MEN’S RETREAT, March 6-9.